Are you still going strong on your goals for the year? If you are not, don’t fret. You are not alone. It’s March now, statistically speaking more than 50% of people will not have been able to continue their New Year’s resolutions until now (Norcross & Vangarelli, 1988-1989).
I am dedicating this blog post to ways on how you continue towards your personal goals with a healthy dose of self-compassion (more in my previous blog post here).
I will focus on using guided questions for reflection as a way to improve your chances of success.
What can you learn from the past?
I know to facts about you:
Firstly, we can’t foresee the future (I know, it’s shocking.), but we can make more accurate predictions for it by looking back.
Secondly, you have so far managed to successfully survive every single difficulty in your life (if you haven’t, glad to expand my readership to ghosts. Welcome!).
Following from these two facts this means that there must be a multitude of situations where you succeeded.
What helped you succeed in the past?
What did you do that made success more likely?
Reflecting on past successes can help you remember tools and strategies that will make success in the future more likely.
What is generally holding you back?
Once you know what has helped you in the past, it is worth considering what has held you back too. And no, “laziness” won’t be a reason. In my years of work with clients (nearly four hundred clients #notahumblebrag) I have yet to meet someone who isn’t able to achieve their goals due to pure laziness. Usually, reasons such as feeling overwhelmed, drained or lacking boundaries and time management are the true culprits. So, take some time to get to the root of this. A good indicator that you are getting close to real issues is when the focus shifts from negative self-perception (e.g. “I am lazy” or “I am not strict enough with myself”) to a more constructive point of view (e.g. “I feel too drained in the afternoon to start working out” or “I am lacking flexibility for my routine that will allow me to shift expectations based on what is happening in my life at the moment.”).
Here are some questions to get you there:
- What were the issues that made me give up on my goal in the past?
- How can I adapt my approach in the future to make success more likely?
Overall, it is unlikely that no other person has struggled with the same issues that you have encountered. Most likely, you are not lazy.
Rather than judging yourself for getting things wrong, see how you can learn from the past and change your approach to increase your odds of success.
Making a plan for the future
So here are some suggested take-aways from this blog post:
- Learn about what helped you with past struggles and apply them to future ones.
- Reflect on past failures, and become curious about what may help to prevent them in the future.
- Overall, curate an attitude of curiosity over judgement. This shift will increase your odds of success in the future!
If you liked this blog post, share it with someone who might be interested in the topic. Additionally, don’t miss any of my future posts by subscribing to this free resource. I post a new blog each month, focusing on different mental wellbeing topics with actionable tips and tricks.
Finally, book a free get-to-know call if you think that you could benefit from counselling sessions with a seasoned professional like myself.
I wish you much success in your endeavours.
References
Norcross JC, Vangarelli DJ. The resolution solution: longitudinal examination of New Year’s change attempts. J Subst Abuse. 1988-1989;1(2):127-34. Doi: 10.1016/s0899-3289(88)80016-6. PMID: 2980864.
Featured photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
Margaretha Madoures 