During times of turmoil resilience is essential. “Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” (American psychological association). In short, It is our ability to get back up- and recover from challenges. Resilience varies from person to person and even over time. Some people naturally bounce back, while others may struggle. You might also notice that your resilience shifts depending on the situation or period in your life. Overall, there have been a few key-factors identified that form essential cornerstones of resilience. I will go into them, offering specific examples for each.
Building Supportive Social Connections
One way that individuals can improve their resilience is by investing time and energy in building a good social network. Spending time with supportive friends and loved ones reduces feelings of loneliness during tough times.
Another approach is to look at the quality of the connections. Are there people in your environment that often leave you feeling depleted and more critical of yourself? Consider the reasons behind this. One effective strategy for improving well-being may be to distance yourself from individuals who do not have your best interests at heart.
On a general level, research has found that communities, meaning individuals that are connected with each other linked by common goals, increase resilience (Newman, 2005).
The True Meaning of Self-Care
The best way to prevent yourself from burning out or losing motivation is to make sure your tank is never empty. Self-care activities allow your tank to be filled back up and can vary widely between people. The importance is that you are benefitting from whatever you are doing as self-care. Many believe self-care should always feel like a treat, but true self-care is about taking care of both your present and future self.
Few consider doing taxes a form of self-care, but it is. Keeping your paperwork in order prevents future stress and takes care of your future self.
That means that some self-care activities won’t necessarily feel pleasurable in the moment, but lead to tangible benefits in the future.
Discovering Your ‘Why’
The same way that staying motivated is made difficult without having a bigger purpose, resilience is too. Finding your ‘why’—the reason you push forward—can make it easier to get back on your feet. For example, a parent might find their motivation in being there for their children, while others are driven by long-term career goals or personal passions. To get answers to this question, I recommend looking back at your life. What has “historically” been important to you? How do you feel about these topics now? Another way to approach this question is to look forward, meaning towards your goals. Where are you trying to get to and what would help you get there?
Once you have figured out what drives you, consider strategies that remembering it would become easy, even if life gets chaotic sometimes. Even a small visual reminder such as a depiction of what drives you, could bring it back to your focus and help you continue.
Thinking about how we think
Many experience a constant internal dialogue that reacts to and shapes their perceptions of life events. It is easy to mistake our thoughts for the truth, because they are always with us. That isn’t always the case however. Our thoughts are often shaped by emotions and biases, making them unreliable representations of reality. This has an impact on how we feel and how we interpret what is going on around us. Problems arise when our thoughts are overly pessimistic, for example. Catastrophizing, being overly critical with ourselves and holding counterproductive beliefs are some ways in which our thoughts can negatively impact our lives (Newman, 2006).
Fortunately, once these habits and beliefs are identified, they can be addressed and gradually shifted toward more constructive patterns. This can be done with the help of a mental health professional or even approached by yourself, with for example, guided journaling practices.
When is too much too much?
Changes and adversity are intrinsically uncomfortable. We as organisms prefer to be in a state of “homeostasis” that is balanced and feel momentarily out of balance when changes occur. That is normal and healthy. It has even been found that “adversity in moderation can mobilize previously untapped resources, help engage social support networks and create a sense of mastery for future adversities” (Meichenbaum, 1985). This means that experiencing some adversity is good and can improve our resilience and feeling of what we can handle for the future.
On the other hand, sustained adversity, or struggles that are going on for too long, can deplete our energy to fight for balance again. Prolonged adversity can lead to helplessness, a difficult state to escape (Seligmann, 2011). This is why reaching out for help after a while is important. A trained professional can help you regain a feeling of control and support you in coming up with a plan to maximise the tools and energy you have.
Feeling like you need extra support? Reach out to me for a free consultation video call. Together, we can create a plan that works for you.. Based on that call you can then decide whether you would like to book one or several sessions with me. In some cases, even a single session with a professional can help restore perspective and renew motivation for independent progress.
References
Fletcher, D., & Sarkar, M. (2013). Psychological resilience. European psychologist.
Meichenbaum, D. (1985). Stress inoculation training. New York, NY: Pergamon
Newman, R. (2005). APA’s resilience initiative. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36, 227-229. doi: 10.1037/0735-7028.36.3.227
Reivich, K. J., Seligman, M. E. P., & McBride, S. (2011). Master resilience training in the U.S. Army. American Psychologist, 66, 25-34. doi: 10.1037/a0021897
Seligman, M. E. (2011). Building resilience. Harvard business review, 89(4), 100-106.
Photo by Artur Voznenko on Unsplash
Margaretha Madoures 