Are you tired? Chances are, like most people these days you are. We all have heard that most people don’t get as much quality sleep as they need. In this blog post I am going over the main issues that clients have with sleep and different strategies and tips that you can use to address these issues.
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Say what? If you haven’t heard about this before, this term might sound a bit ridiculous. But it is more widespread than you might think. Essentially, revenge bedtime procrastination refers to the behaviour pattern of postponing going to sleep and instead spending additional time with fun or mindless activities. The reasons for this type of behaviour have not been extensively explored yet, but there are some theories that individuals behave this way because lack control over their time during the rest of the day (e.g. a parent who has to wait for their child to be in bed before they can relax), or prolonged stress during the day (e.g. feeling stressed and lacking time to relax during the workday).
How to deal with it
Revenge bedtime procrastination is often something people do who have limited control over their time. This means that feeling more in control, can lead to a decrease of this behaviour. For that I recommend the following: Think about how you spend your days. Are there any moments which you could use to spend time with activities that you enjoy? Let’s say you normally enjoy reading, but notice that you feel too tired to pick up a book and instead spend the time before bed watching mindless TV or scrolling on your phone (or both). Try to have some time during the day to read something enjoyable. It doesn’t have to be for long either; a few minutes here and there can make a big difference to how you feel.
Waking up during the early hours
I also had multiple clients who told me that they fall asleep fine, but wake up around 3-5 am during intensely stressful phases. They also often report stressful dreams, often related to topics that they feel anxious about at the time. Again, not much is necessarily known about this issue, but a theory relates this to high levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Sometimes I explain this with a metaphor. Cortisol is a useful hormone which naturally increases in our blood in the early hours of the day to help us wake up and be ready for the day. The problem that occurs during very stressful phases however is that we have an already increased level of it, even before it increases naturally in the early hours of the day.
Imagine your body as a glass that holds water. The water represents the cortisol level. Normally, some weather is added over time to the fairly empty glass to help us wake up at your normal time.
But what happens if the glass is already quite full and the normal amount of water is added as per usual? The glass is full more quickly and might even overspill. This means that the level of water reaches the “wake-up” level more quickly, leading you to wake up earlier.
Due to our waking up times generally not fluctuating too much (between 6-10 am for most people), a few hours before that (i.e. the water level reaching the “waking up point” earlier), means we wake up around 3-5 am.
How to deal with it
Learn about different relaxation techniques. A strategy I often recommend is progressive muscle relaxation (follow the link to a blog post specifically about this technique), which is a (mostly) guided technique that progresses through the body, focusing on different muscle groups. It is a powerful tool to relax yourself before sleep, or even during the night when you wake up and struggle with a racing mind. Here is a link to one short version.
Alternative relaxation tools are body scans, and other guided meditations.
Extra tip: There are tools to download just the audio of youtube videos, which you can use to download an MP3 version of the video. This way you won’t be distracted by the light of a screen.
Problems with falling asleep
Another issue I hear about often is the problem of falling asleep due to racing thoughts and general restlessness. While you might go to bed at a reasonable time, you struggle to fall asleep. Thoughts about worries, future and past events keep you from getting the rest you need.
What to do about it
Most of the times when clients tell me that they struggle to fall asleep at night, it is thoughts and rumination that keeps them awake. Sometimes, something as simple as taking some notes can help to alleviate this issue. I also refer to this as a “brain dump”. For that you take a few minutes to blurt onto paper (or a notes app) what is going on in your head. This can make it easier to relax and fall asleep, because you don’t feel like there are a hundred tasks you have to hold in your head.
An alternative to this exercise is a so-called “worry moment”. Just as the name implies you take a moment to focus on the things that worry you. The time is intentionally limited (for example, with the help of a timer) and it is therefore less likely that you’ll get stuck thinking about the worries. Additionally, taking time for this exercise earlier in the day (as in a two to three hours before you go to bed), can make it easier to shift your thoughts to more pleasant matters after the exercise, before you go to sleep.
Combination of issues
When stress levels are high and individuals are very busy they might sometimes experience several of these issues. This is often pointing towards very intense, and/or long periods of stress. For example, someone might struggle to fall asleep, and then wake up repeatedly during the night, leaving the person tired and stressed the next day.
If that is something you are dealing with, I recommend you seek help. Prolonged issues with sleep are a serious health concern that deserves addressing. Sleep affects every area of our lives.
A place to start for yourself is to try out some of the tips I describe above. If your issues persist however, I absolutely recommend getting in touch with your doctor and/or seeking professional help from a therapist. I frequently talk about sleep issues with my clients and help my clients find ways to relax and improve their quality of sleep.
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
Margaretha Madoures 