We all strive to succeed in life. Whether that is professional success or success in other areas or our life. Certain personality traits have been linked to a greater likelihood of success (Di Fabio, Palazzeschi & Palazzeschi, 2009). This is independent of predispositions or “being talented”. In this three-part series I will try to offer help in developing three traits that are often acknowledged as factors that improve how likely we are to succeed. These three characteristics are: Self-awareness, Empowerment and Accountability. In my previous blog post I offered some ways in which you can become more self-aware. This blog post will concern itself with evidence-based ways through which you can become more empowered.

How to become Empowered

On the path to success we need to feel that we are capable of achieving our goals. The concept of feeling like we are capable of achievement is called empowerment. This state is something that we notice we are lacking once we have become more self-aware. Empowerment is essential for our success, because a lack of it will make it less likely for us to really try achieving our goals. When we do not believe we are capable of achieving our goals, we are generally less likely to even try, which makes it impossible for us to succeed.

We all look up to those who seem self-assured in themselves and seem to hardly doubt themselves. In a way empowerment is self-confidence with the ability to act. To be empowered we must feel sure of our own goals and in our ability to get there. To feel empowered we must also be able to find ways to act now in accordance to our goals. 

So how does one achieve greater empowerment? Studies have shown that empowerment has many long-term benefits and makes it more likely that we succeed in life. A study by Shogren, Lee and Panko (2017) found that psychological empowerment, autonomy and self-realization have a strong effect on the likelihood to succeed even after years. In another area of academic empowerment it was found that being empowered made it more likely to be an active student and increased the odds of feeling empowered enough to work hard (You, 2016). As most of us know from experience, studying more makes it more likely for us to attain good results. So being convinced that studying will make us improve, rather than believing that we are a hopeless case and “untalented” will help us to actually study more and thereby make it more likely for us to achieve the results we want.

Completing self-given goals

We can train our brains to trust in our capabilities by completing goals we set ourselves. The more often you experience that you were able to complete self-set goals and tasks, the more likely you are to trust that in the future you will be able to achieve similar results again. The author Adrienne Herbert in her book “Power Hour” mentions that every time you complete a habit you are hoping to establish, you are casting a ‘yes’ vote for yourself and add another piece of evidence for yourself that you are capable of doing hard things (Herbert, 2020). Therefore, to become more empowered we need to build the trust in our own skills to do what we set out to do. 

Start small. If you are currently struggling with the idea of ever completing a big goal of yours, such as writing a book or completing a marathon, you need to break down the goal. Could you see yourself writing a couple of sentences every day? Do you think you are able to go for a short run on several days a week? If the answer is yes, you are one step closer to reaching your big goal. If the answer is no, you need to break it down further so that the mini-goal becomes achievable. Over time you will gain trust in your own abilities, because you have accomplished previous goals you set yourself.

Watch your language!

Do you know what the number one behaviour is that determines whether most people I work with feel confident and capable or not? Self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves influences how we perceive ourselves. I work with a lot of very smart and highly educated people. It is my experience that it is often these people who show especially strict and mean self-talk. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never talk to anyone else. 

“Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never talk to anyone else.” 

The first step to achieving a more self-compassionate way to talk to yourself is to become aware of your negative self-talk. What is the first thought you have when you are making a mistake? What do you think about yourself if you are too tired and unmotivated to do something? If some sentences like “I am so lazy?!”, or “That was a stupid mistake, I am an idiot” sound at least somewhat familiar, your self-talk can probably be more positive. To challenge this type of self-talk, you can try to find evidence that proves these statements about yourself wrong and replace them with a more suitable statement.

For example, the statement “I am so lazy.” could be turned to “I don’t feel motivated sometimes, but I do a lot of things even when I am not motivated”. Over time the goal is to develop more positive and supportive self-talk and become more self-compassionate. As Matt Haig says in one of his books “You don’t become a good person, by believing you are a bad one.”.

“You don’t become a good person, by believing you are a bad one.”

Matt Haig

Learn from others

Who is a person whom you look up to and see as empowered? Most likely, you are currently thinking of a person or several people who are very good at what they are doing. They have probably gathered a lot of experience in their field. So, given that empowerment is most likely to arise from gaining experience, it means that in order to feel empowered you want to gain experience. 

Continue thinking about this person or the people you connect with the word “empowered”. Do you think they are really good at what they are doing? Do you think they never make mistakes or get things wrong? Hopefully, your answer is ‘no’ to this question. By following this logic you have just established two truths: To be really good at something you need practice and gather experience. Secondly, you do not have to be perfect to be capable. Mistakes are allowed.

Looking at what others have achieved and learning about their backgrounds can be extremely motivating. I recommend that you spend some time looking in more detail at how people you admire for their empowerment and skills have gotten where they are. This can help you to learn from their experiences and gain powerful ideas to help you overcome your own struggles.

This list of tips to become more empowered is by no means complete. There are many factors that play into feeling empowered. What did I miss? Share your ideas in the comments! If you want to work with me on becoming more empowered, self-aware, organized and ultimately increase your chances of success, reach out for a free 15-minute phone call or meeting. During this conversation we can figure out what possible action points are we can address together to help you towards a happier and more successful future.

Book recommendations:

Adrienne Herbert: Power Hour: How to Focus on Your Goals and Create a Life You Love
This book focuses on Adrienne’s concept of the early-day power hour that she came up with to help herself and hundreds of others to live a more productive and happy life.

Matt Haig: The Comfort Book
This book is a collection of short stories, poems, quotes and recipe’s that encourage a feeling of comfort. 

References:

Featured Photo by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash.

Haig, M. (2021). The comfort book. Canongate Books Ltd.

Herbert, A. (2020). Power Hour: How to focus on your goals and create a life you love.
Hutchinson.

Shogren, K. A., Lee, J., & Panko, P. (2017). An Examination of the Relationship Between
Postschool Outcomes and Autonomy, Psychological Empowerment, and Self-Realization. The Journal of Special Education, 51(2), 115–124. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022466916683171

You, J. W. (2016). The relationship among college students’ psychological capital, learning empowerment, and engagement. Learning and Individual Differences, 49, 17–24. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.lindif.2016.05.001