Mentioning a negative piece of feedback between two positive ones is something that many of us are taught when we learn about good feedback rules. Do you know what this style of feedback is also known as? As a sh**-sandwich. Even small children can look through this construct easily. It is easy to spot that something is up when someone starts with an (often forced) positive remark, only to continue with a negative piece of feedback, and then proceeds to attempt to soften the blow with another forced compliment. I think we should move away from this way of giving feedback and instead focus on radical candor instead.
Radical candor is direct feedback that aims to bring the issue at hand across as swiftly as possible. Clearly, this is not an easy thing to do. If it was, we would probably all do it. Who hasn’t felt a little uncomfortable when frantically scrambling to find two positives to help us bring across the one negative thing that is so important to us? We are taught that “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. This is possibly meant well, but you know what positive intent often ends up being… In fact, some people believe that this culture of niceness is holding us back. Wouldn’t you want to know as soon as possible if your flies are open? Or when you’ve been repeatedly spelling “accommodation” wrong? I thought so.
Receiving negative feedback is not pleasant. Hardly anyone likes to be criticized and once you start using radical candor you will most likely make some negative experiences as well. You can however make this experience useful for both of you by following some guidelines, next time you need to bring up an issue with someone.
Here are a few ways you can be candid, without being unnecessarily hurtful.
- Start by requesting feedback and work on taking it well.
Nobody really likes receiving negative feedback, but if you want others to react well to your feedback, you should be able to accept their criticism with an open mind. - Be direct, rather than sneaky.
You don’t want to be manipulative, you want to help the other person do better in the future. A clear message might sting a little in the moment, but once the information has reached the other person they often thank you for being honest with them. - Care personally.
Try to communicate clearly that you care. You are most likely bringing up the issue, because you want the other person to improve and be more successful in the future, not because you hold a personal grudge against them.
Example: I am telling you this, because I think you could be more successful if you… - Try not to personalize.
You are criticizing someones behavior, you are not criticizing their personality.
Example: Your work is not very good recently. vs. You are not very good recently. - Be specific.
Give at least one specific example for when the person made a mistake.
Example: You spelled this word wrong in the last couple of presentations. This is how it is spelled correctly. - Using radical candor for compliments.
Direct positive feedback tends to be nicer than feedback we receive long after the situation has passed or by means of another person. So next time you notice your friend doing well in a certain situation, tell them directly.
Example: I think you handled this situation really well, I think it is amazing how you stuck to your schedule and made sure you kept in time.
To summarize: When you are giving feedback you want to convey what the issue as clearly and succinctly as possible and help the person be more successful next time.
What do you think about the topic? Do you know how to give negative feedback well?
If you are interested in learning more about this topic, I highly recommend you read “Radical Candor: Be a Kickass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity” by Kim Scott.
Photo by Bence Balla-Schottner on Unsplash
Margaretha Madoures 
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